If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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