I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
