the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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