Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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