Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
