sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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