her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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