So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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