dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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