Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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