you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
