I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
