so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
