Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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