At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
