the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
