am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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