maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
