I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
