I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
