You're so nebulous sometimes
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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