i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
