...so i touched it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
