this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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