you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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