I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
