no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
