I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
