You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
