I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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