I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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