I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
