i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
