I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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