I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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