its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
