alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
