He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
