how can u be prego again
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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