There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
