That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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