Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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