Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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