just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
