Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
