I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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