3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
