THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
