I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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