so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
