I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
