We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
